My Fitness Journey

I want to start out by saying that these pictures were taken almost 3 years apart. This will not be any quick fix advice. I simply want to share my experience and what I have learned along the way.

Starting (2016)

At my heaviest weight, I reached 173 lbs. I remember this day specifically because I was weighed at the doctor's office and had to hold back tears through the rest of my appointment. I have never been "skinny." I struggled a lot with body image throughout high school. I went through a phase where I was going to the gym every day after school for 2 hours then going to cheerleading practice and then dance. I did not eat nearly enough and I still maintained a significant amount of fat on my stomach. 

When I got to college, my body image improved as I saw so many confident women with all different shapes and sizes. I stopped worrying so much about what I ate and thoroughly enjoyed the unlimited meal plan I had my freshmen year. At my school, Starbucks was also included in my meal plan and I got a grande caramel macchiato almost every day, sometimes twice. I gained most of my weight during my sophomore year where I lived a bit further from campus. I felt disconnected from my friends and spent a lot of time baking (and then eating my baking). There was also a market in my building that sold Ben & Jerry's which did not help the issue. The first picture was taken during my spring semester of sophomore year when I finally looked at myself and realized I needed to change. 

Change of Mindset

Every night in bed I would think about how much I hated my body and wanted to change. I would tell myself "okay tomorrow you won't eat anything but vegetables" then the next day I would last until the evening then eat everything in sight because I was restricting myself too much. This went on for a few months. The only way I was able to get through this binging stage was to change my relationship with food, and to do this I had to change my goals. I spent a lot of time watching documentaries and reading books about different diets and overall human health. I was able to change my goals to be healthier, have more energy and even do better in school. I started focusing on my diet and eating foods good for my body. I cut out dairy for a while and found my acne clear up entirely. I tried to eat more plant-based and I think this was the best thing I ever did. I do not eat plant-based now, but this forced me to try new vegetables and find out how I like to cook them. Growing up I had not had any vegetables really until college so I believed I hated them all. I think the most important part was not specifically the type of diet, but eating whole unprocessed foods and ones that make you feel the best.

Types of Workouts

I did so many different workouts in these two years. I started by doing PiYo on beachbody. I loved this program. I lost about 8 lbs doing this program specifically. I then went through a phase where I wanted to be a runner. I hate running but noticed people who run seem to be skinny so why couldn't I? I did a couch to 5K program and did my first 5K. Through this phase I was miserable, I hate running. I am proud of my achievement, but I will never do it again. 

Next, I did the Grace fit UK home guide. I had too many excuses not to go to the gym, so I thought a home program would be better. I only did about 5 weeks of this, but I honestly loved it. The workouts were short, only about 30 minutes, but I was always sore. I am not sure exactly how much I lost during this time, but I was probably down to about 155 lbs now starting at 173. I have a hard time sticking to things, but otherwise, this was a great program. I decided I was confident enough to go to the gym so I started doing the Grace fit gym guide. I understand the reasoning, but I did get bored doing the same workouts for 4 weeks so I could not stick with it. 

I then found my favorite fitness influencer ever Mari fitness. I had some gym experience so I bought GG2 to start. I only did about a week before falling off again. I was getting ready to go to Italy and working a lot to save money. Don't worry we will come back to Mari.

After Italy, I wanted to get back into things. I went to Italy under 140 lbs which was unbelievably exciting to me. For the first time ever, I loved all the pictures of me and never saw one that I thought I did not look damn good. I decided to do Kayla Itsines BBG. So many women swear by this program and see incredible results. The workouts are only 3 times a week and 28 minutes, sounds easy enough right? I only made it through the first 4 weeks of pre-training. I hated this program. I consistently finished my workout thinking I was going to throw-up and/or die. I don't want to dread my workouts, that will not help me maintain this lifestyle.

Now, January 2018. I remembered really enjoying the workouts from the Mari fitness guide so I decided to get the first guide and start there. The reason I did this was not to see fast results, it was to build a habit again. I wanted to start small, build the habit, then increase the intensity of the workouts. For the first time in my life, I completed an entire gym guide. I started at week 3, but still I did 7 weeks of this program, never missing a workout. The second picture is about halfway through this guide. I have not taken pictures since, mostly due to laziness. I am now on week 2 of the second gym guide. Mari's guides are really amazing for beginners and people who are new to the gym. They use a lot of staple movements and build on them once you get them down.

Where am I now?

I now fluctuate between 134 and 138 lbs. Do I feel I have a perfect bikini body? No. Am I happy? Yes. I am in this weird in-between stage where I want to build muscle and be really strong, but am too scared to bulk and gain fat. With summer around the corner, I am continuing to workout 4-5 times a week using the Mari fitness GG2, and walk my dog 30-60 minutes most days of the week. I do not do much cardio. I do occasional HIIT workouts, but for the most part, I still hate cardio. I am eating around 1800 calories a day and trying to eat whole unprocessed foods. 

Advice?

Learn to love your body and treat it with respect. If your body hates running, don't do it. If your body loves yoga and pilates, do it. Do not starve yourself. Not only is this not a sustainable way to lose weight, but it can also damage your hormone levels and as soon as you start to eat again you will gain it all back.  A caloric deficit is important to lose weight, but it should not be below your BMR.  Building muscle will increase your metabolism and allow you to eat more and still lose weight (GOALS!). I went away this weekend and ate approximately 1 million cookies and a whole pizza. One thing I did learn is this food does not make me feel good. I have been tired and unmotivated for days. Eat what makes you feel good.